If separation anxiety in relationship hurts you, here’s how to cope

If separation anxiety in relationship hurts you, here’s how to cope

Separation anxiety in relationships

When you are in a relationship, it is normal to feel a little uncomfortable about being away from your loved one. But when you experience panic and feeling of unbearable distress during that time then it’s a cause for concern and is identified as separation anxiety, says Dr Kalpna Kohli, Consultant Psychologist, Jaslok Hospital & Research Centre, Mumbai. It becomes difficult to focus on anything else aside from getting back together.

Here are some signs of separation anxiety in relationships:

1. Anxious attachment
   People who have an anxious attachment style are constantly worried that their partner might leave them. Also, they need a lot of reassurance to believe they really love them and find it really hard to spend time without them. The memories of time spent together continually occupy their thoughts and give them heartache, says the expert.
2. Fear of ‘out of sight out of mind’
   Some people start losing faith in their relationship when the distance comes in the way. Any amount of reassurance on the part of their partner doesn’t help them.
3. Difficulty in functioning alone
   In a codependent relationship, people might become so woven into each other that they find it difficult to remember that they are two different people and people lose their sense of who they are. Separation from their loved ones makes it difficult for them to function alone, Dr Kalpna Kohli tells us.

How to deal with separation anxiety in a relationship?

While accepting the current situation is important, there are some coping strategies that can be helpful.

1. Set boundaries
   Setting boundaries is necessary if both the partners are separated. That means give each other some space. If your partner is away for some work which needs their time and attention, give them that space and do not keep tabs of each and every movement of theirs otherwise it may strain the relationship.
2. Have honest conversations
   It’s possible that both the partners are experiencing similar anxieties, so sharing those feelings and having an open and honest conversation with each other can go a long way in coping with separation anxiety.
3. Set a time to connect
   Giving space to each other is necessary, but also make a dedicated effort to build time to connect at least once each day. It can be through audio or video call, but don’t be too pushy and call every now and then.
4. Self-care
   Self-care is very important for physical and mental well-being and it distracts from constant thoughts about the partner, says the expert. So, follow a healthy diet, workout routine and do the things that make you happy.
5. Mindfulness
   Mindfulness techniques can be effective in these cases. Living in the present moment and making the most of it, helps with acceptance and coping with separation anxiety in a relationship.
6. Be constructive
   Engage in hobbies or take up a new course that you have always wanted to pursue, especially if your partner is going to be away for a long time. Basically, channelize the energies into a constructive direction.
7. Control negative feelings
   Breathing techniques can soothe your mind and body. You also can practice self-compassion and positive self-talk to boost confidence and reduce negative feelings.
8. Minimize social media usage
   Social media is not just about what you post. Your friends may post something with their partner, and seeing them together can cause extreme distress. It may worsen the situation as you might compare your life with them.
9. Meet friends and relatives
   Meet people who are understanding and mature and don’t add to your sorrows. Apart from talking, you also can engage in fun activities with them to relax your mind.
   If it becomes unbearable even after trying to overcome separation anxiety, you should see a therapist.