Lifestyle
Do you hate yourself? Here’s how to stop self-loathing
Everyone has their good and bad days. Some unexpected curves in life can make you feel under-impressed with your own self. You tend to have negative ideas about yourself. If you make mistakes at work, you take all the blame and consider yourself worthless. Self-hatred is unhealthy and you must try to overcome negative thoughts about yourself. Let us tell you the reason behind self loathing and how to stop hating yourself.
What is self-hate?
If you have intense and negative feelings toward yourself, that’s self-hatred. Dr Kalpna Kohli New Delhi, says it involves a deep-seated belief that you are unworthy, inadequate or simply flawed. It is an emotional state that can manifest in various ways such as negative self-talk, self-destructive behavior and a pervasive sense of shame or guilt.
People who struggle with self-hatred often engage in distorted thinking patterns, magnifying their faults and minimizing their strengths. This cognitive distortion reinforces their negative self-view, creating a cycle of self-reinforcement negativity, notes the expert.
Reasons for self-hatred
There are some common contributors to self-hate:
- Early life experiences
Childhood experiences, especially those involving ignore, abuse or harsh criticism, can significantly shape a person’s self-perception. Negative interactions with caregivers or peers during formative years may lead to internalizing feelings of worthlessness or insufficiency. - Social and cultural influences
Societal pressures, unrealistic beauty standards and cultural expectations can contribute to negative self-comparisons and feelings of insufficiency. Constant exposure to media depictions of “ideal” lifestyles and appearances can erode self-esteem and foster self-criticism. - Perfectionism
A tendencies toward perfectionism, where people set unrealistically high standards for themselves, can lead to chronic self-criticism. Failures or perceived deficiencies may be magnified, making them believe that they are just flawed. - Negative self-comparison
Constantly comparing yourself to others can trigger feelings of self-hate. This could involve focusing on others’ achievements, appearances or successes while ignoring one’s own strengths and achievements. - Traumatic experiences
Trauma, whether a single event or ongoing situations, can profoundly impact a person’s self-concept. Trauma survivors may blame themselves for the events or believe they are undeserving of love and care due to their experiences, Dr Kalpna Kohli New Delhi.
How to stop hating yourself
There are strategies that you can consider to work on decreasing self-hatred.
- Self-compassion practice
Cultivating self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your struggles without self-judgment, and by speaking to yourself in a supportive and empathic manner. - Cognitive restructuring
Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help you to identify and challenge negative self-talk and distorted thinking patterns. Question the validity of your self-criticism, collect evidence for your positive qualities, and reframe negative beliefs with more balanced and realistic perspectives. - Mindfulness and acceptance
Mindfulness practices can help you to develop awareness of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. By learning to accept your thoughts and feelings as passing experiences, you can reduce the intensity of self-hatred and create space for self-growth. - Focus on strengths and achievements
Create a list of your strengths, achievements and positive qualities. Engaging in activities that highlight these strengths can boost self-esteem and counteract the tendency to focus solely on your so-called imperfections.
You can also go to a therapist who can offer a safe space to explore the underlying causes of self-hatred and eventually build healthier self-esteem.
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